Key Advice to Women
My dear sisters, if you ever have to face hardship on account of the work and struggles of your husbands, know that God will reward you for it even if no one ever finds out what you endure for a moment. Many men are not aware of what a woman must bear; they think that hardship pertains to physical struggle but they are oblivious of the fact that emotional and spiritual hardships are sometimes more difficult to bear. Men may not fully grasp much of what you go through, but God is He “from whom no hidden thing is hidden.” He watches over you and your reward is secured with Him. Hence, the more you contribute to the success of the young man by your side who has this responsibility, the more you will increase your reward, value, and status next to God.
In fact, your reward is guaranteed more than that of your husband’s. This is because if your husband does a good deed not for the sake of God—i.e., out of ostentation (riyā), God forbid, or any other inappropriate reason—he will lose his reward. In contrast, when you look after him, nurture the children, protect his trust and honour, preserve his reputation, pave the ways of comfort, approach him with a smile, and live with him as an honourable wife, your reward is guaranteed. This is a great distinction.
If your husband is in the field of studies or is active in the affairs of the Islamic Republic, you should work with him so that he can perform his duties with ease. Any person who works for God, his spouse is doing the same as well. Value the work of such individuals. They are amongst the best people of our country today. Why? Because when you see a society that is solely concerned with personal gain and will do anything to achieve this end—through lying, committing fraud, flattery, distorting the truth, oscillating between this group and that, uttering words to win the hearts of the unjust, and other such schemes which are undoubtedly much worse outside of our country—you can find individuals who, despite living in such conditions, still choose professions that aid them to fulfil their duties. Such an individual and profession are both honourable, particularly when the task is difficult or dangerous. To be married to an individual like this is a source of pride.
My sisters, appreciate these men, these jobs and even the difficulties these jobs bring. You should know that it is men such as these who wipe the filth of dependence, corruption, and humiliation from the face of a nation. Any nation with men who are ready to take on responsibilities and risk their lives is able to manage its own affairs. In contrast, a nation that is inclined to seek shelter under the shade of ease even at the expense of pushing out hundreds of people from that shade—i.e., a nation that lacks self-sacrificial, combatant, brave, informed, and decisive men on the path of truth—will never be able to escape humiliation even after centuries. The distress that they managed to bring down upon our nation for a period of time is exactly the same distress that they are bringing down today upon so many of the Muslim and non-Muslim nations of the world.
So be proud of your menfolk since their efforts are dear in the eyes of God. Assisting them and being on the same path as them should be a source of pride for you. With the right intention, whatever you offer such a man—who is your husband and is spending his youth in the way of God—you are offering to God. Your married life is not just a simple life of marriage; it is a life of service. So have hope in divine reward and value this opportunity which you have been granted.
You are like my own daughters and sisters, and your husbands are like my own sons. Spouses like you are a source of pride. But know that people will be observing you as well. If they see that someone’s wife is devoting too much attention to beautification, ornamentation, ostentation, and other meaningless endeavours, they will say, “Look at those who make all these claims; this is how their wives are.” Hence, you must be very attentive. To protect your husband’s reputation is actually to protect the reputation of the Revolution and the reputation of the entire nation; you must protect it.
Families such as these have some privileges and some limitations; it is the same everywhere and everyone is like this. You cannot always have everything you want. One must be patient; one must live in a way that God is pleased with. I cannot overemphasize this to you: pay attention to religious and revolutionary values, be exemplars of the Revolution, and become paragons of a revolutionary woman. Do not give into luxury and lavishness. Let it not be that whatever you earn is spent in attaining gold and jewellery; this is beneath your honour.
God addresses the wives of the Prophet (ṣ) in the Qurʾān:
يا نِساءَ النَّبِيِّ مَن يَأتِ مِنكُنَّ بِفاحِشَةٍ مُبَيِّنَةٍ يُضاعَف لَهَا العَذابُ ضِعفَينِ وَكانَ ذٰلِكَ عَلَى اللَّـهِ يَسيرًا
O wives of the Prophet! Whoever of you commits a gross indecency, her punishment shall be doubled, and that is easy for Allah. (Aḥzāb 33:30)
Why is their punishment doubled if they commit a sin? It is because they are the wives of the Prophet. The opposite is also true:
وَمَن يَقنُت مِنكُنَّ لِلَّـهِ وَرَسولِهِ وَتَعمَل صالِحًا نُؤتِها أَجرَها مَرَّتَينِ وَأَعتَدنا لَها رِزقًا كَريمًا
But whoever of you is obedient to Allah and His Apostle and acts righteously, We shall give her a twofold reward, and We will have in store for her a noble provision. (Aḥzāb 33:31)
Any worship or good deed that they perform will be rewarded twofold. In other words, the reward for the prayer of the wife of the Prophet (ṣ) is generally twice that of another person; but if, God forbid, she were to backbite another person, it would count doubly against her.
يا نِساءَ النَّبِيِّ لَستُنَّ كَأَحَدٍ مِنَ النِّساءِ إِنِ اتَّقَيتُنَّ
O wives of the Prophet! You are not like other women if you are wary [of Allah] … (Aḥzāb 33:32)
In other words, if you observe God-wariness (taqwā) you will have a distinction over other women. Immediately, the verse continues:
فَلا تَخضَعنَ بِالقَولِ فَيَطمَعَ الَّذي في قَلبِهِ مَرَضٌ وَقُلنَ قَولًا مَعروفًا
… do not be complaisant in your speech, lest he in whose heart is a sickness should aspire and speak honourable words. (Aḥzāb 33:32)
Even though these verses are addressed to the Prophet’s wives, the verses are not exclusive to them. They can be applied to anyone who is connected to the Prophet (ṣ).
Key Advice to Men
I must also tell you young men that you should be immaculate when it comes to looking after your wives. A man of faith—a man who works for God—must ensure that all aspects of his life are Godly. One such aspect of life is interacting with your family, especially your wife and children. You must be a paragon of virtues. At times, some small incident outside of the house may make you angry, but this anger should never show itself when you come home. Be kind to your wives. Be a father, in the true sense of the word, for your children. On various occasions, I have always told people in positions of responsibility to be a father to their children and not a stranger to them.
Attend to your family. Do not say that you bear heavy responsibilities on your shoulders. Do not think that leaving work an hour or two later and coming home without a smile is not a big deal and the sky will not come crashing down. I have spoken about this to the administrators in our country. I say that you must set aside a few hours of your day and some of your free time and dedicate it to your family. Give your wife and children your love, affection, consideration, and attention. Do not neglect your home and family life. Some people leave their house first thing in the morning and do not come back until late at night. This is not right. To those who can, we recommend even going home to your wife and children for lunch. Eat your lunch with your family, spend some time together, and then go back to work. At a suitable time in the evening after work, return home, see the children, and spend some quality time with your family. It should not be the case that a woman feels that by marrying a man of responsibility, there will no longer be any peace or comfort in her life. This is not how it should be. For you and I who shoulder responsibility, our love, affection, and attention towards our family should be greater than that of the average person. You must become paragons in this regard.
Today, your children are in need of a kiln of love and that is the family structure. Attend to your children and deal with them as a father and friend. The best fathers are those who are friends with their sons and daughters. On the one hand, they offer their fatherly authority and guidance and a helping and loving hand, but on the other, they also offer the intimacy of a friend. If your child has a question, or wants to talk, or needs to confide in someone, let it be to you or your wife that he first turns to.
My dear young men, my fatherly advice to you is to structure your interactions within your family wisely. What does this mean? It means to be kind, to be present in the house to the extent possible, to be intimate with one’s family, and to attend to their needs; it is to refrain from being neglectful and ill natured. Today, this great responsibility is for you to bear. Your children are like seedlings whose roots are connected to yours; it is up to you to support them, keep them secure, and let them feel they have a warm support to rely upon.
Spend time with your children and interact with them; work with your wife and be kind to her. Your wife should truly feel that you appreciate all the hard work she does. If you had a wife who did not support you or work with you, you would have had a difficult time with your tasks. Try it out. Ask your wife to deal with you inconsiderately and you will see how difficult it can be. The fact that she works with you, assists you, has a pleasant disposition, takes care of the house, looks after the children, and preserves the serenity of the home is one of the biggest reasons for your success. Many men who go out to the public sphere—whether it be politics, business, military, or any other arena of work—and return home tired after a hard day of work, seem to assume that they have performed this incredible feat while their wives have been sitting idle behind the front lines. They are largely ignorant of the fact that had their wives not been behind the front lines, they themselves would not have been able to do anything on the “battlefield”. Appreciate your wives. May there never be a man of faith in support of the Revolution who acts against the Islamic teachings on how a man should treat his wife. Of course, I do not mean to suggest that women are infallible and the men are always to blame. Women must also cooperate, be of assistance, and endure the hardships since such hardships will always exist.
This is my advice to you young men and women, fathers and mothers. Let not this advice enter one ear and exit from the other. Preserve them in your mind for they were spoken with all seriousness. I would be pleased if I knew that this advice was followed with utmost attention.
We hope that God Almighty, through the blessings of Lady Fāṭimah (ʿa) and Imam ʿAlī (ʿa)—who truly are the paragons of marriage in all that we have said—grants you success and sanctifies your life. May God assist you in having a sweet and felicitous life and may He endow you with the tranquillity that He has promised to people in marriage.