Gender in Islam
Why should the relationship between men and women become a vulgar fixation all over the earth, such that every so often it overshadows all of the important and essential aspects of life? This is how it is today. In so many places, the issue of gender relations between men and women has become a fascinating obsession and amusing pastime, often to the point of becoming vulgar in many social settings. Due to this, both men and women have been and are being prevented from being active in the social, political, ethical, and spiritual arenas of life. Islam is against this idea; it cannot accept it.
In God’s world, men and women are both fundamental elements of the most complete created order. Without either of them, creation would remain incomplete. If people could recognize the correct place for each of these two elements in the natural realm of humanity and then go on to apply this knowledge, the result would be a perfect divine system. In it, every being would be able to offer its own existential contribution the way it should; no talent would remain unused or be wasted; no one would be oppressed; moreover, mankind would reap the benefits of this harmony, cooperation, and appropriate gathering of men and women, leading to ultimate progress as a society.
Men and women each have their own responsibilities. As the poet says:
The world is like the features of a face / everything is beautiful when in its proper place
When we look at a beautiful face, we cannot say which feature—whether the eyes, lips, nose, or cheeks—contributes more to its beauty; but if any of these features are absent, the face will lose its beauty. The beauty of a face lies in having them all in their proper place. Likewise, everything in this world is part of a perfect divine order. Men and women are no exception to this. When either of them is out of place, the very face of mankind could become incomplete, repulsive, inexpressive, or abhorrent. Neither gender has the right to consider itself more important or valuable than the other. Within this worldview, everyone is on the same plane and has one role in the cycle of human life—that one role is to perform one’s duty in order to complete the existential world and the life of mankind on it. This is the responsibility of everyone involved—men and women alike—and it entails looking essentially at human beings from the perspective of the divine wisdom that went into the creation of the two genders.
Islam’s perspective on gender is that it is a secondary matter. What is primary or essential is the humanity of a person, which is not affected by gender. It is the human being, rather than the man or the woman, whom God addresses. Now, the Qurʾān often addresses the Muslims with the expression, “O you who believe” (yā ayyuha al-ladhīna āmanū), while using the masculine plural instead of the feminine one; but this does not mean that men are given preference over women. The masculine plural is used in this way for reasons which are clear to us, but which we do not wish to discuss in detail right now. It is the same in Persian, when we use mardum to mean “people” even though this word is derived from mard (man). We do not use zanum (from zan meaning “woman”) in this way. Likewise, in English, we say human which is from “man”. This is not the result of a dominant patriarchal culture that has altered words in a particular way; it has a different reason. Ultimately, in a family, a man represents the external while a woman represents the internal; or to put it more eloquently, we can say that the man is the shell while the woman is its kernel. A man is more apparent by nature; this is how God has created him, just as He created women for other reasons. Therefore, man is more visible and outward because of these qualities and not out of any divine preference for men over women.
In the primary issues that relate to us being humans, there is no difference between the genders. You see this yourself. When it comes to proximity to God, women like Lady Fāṭimah (ʿa), Lady Zaynab (ʿa), and Mary (ʿa) the mother of Jesus (ʿa) have statuses higher than we could possibly imagine. In the chapter of al-Aḥzāb, the Qurʾān clearly states that there is no difference between men and women in this regard. Perhaps it was revealed to put an end to this ignorant perspective:
إِنَّ المُسلِمينَ وَالمُسلِماتِ وَالمُؤمِنينَ وَالمُؤمِناتِ وَالقانِتينَ وَالقانِتاتِ وَالصّادِقينَ وَالصّادِقاتِ وَالصّابِرينَ وَالصّابِراتِ وَالخاشِعينَ وَالخاشِعاتِ وَالمُتَصَدِّقينَ وَالمُتَصَدِّقاتِ وَالصّائِمينَ وَالصّائِماتِ وَالحافِظينَ فُروجَهُم وَالحافِظاتِ وَالذّاكِرينَ اللَّـهَ كَثيرًا وَالذّاكِراتِ أَعَدَّ اللَّـهُ لَهُم مَغفِرَةً وَأَجرًا عَظيمًا
Indeed the Muslim men and the Muslim women, the faithful men and the faithful women, the obedient men and the obedient women, the truthful men and the truthful women, the patient men and the patient women, the humble men and the humble women, the charitable men and the charitable women, the men who fast and the women who fast, the men who guard their private parts and the women who guard, the men who remember Allah greatly and the women who remember [Allah greatly] – Allah holds in store for them forgiveness and a great reward. (Aḥzāb 33:35)
There is a significant interval and distinction between being a Muslim [in the initial part of the verse] and being one who remembers Allah [near the end of the verse] although the two are linked in a continuous chain. Yet, when a person pays attention to all these words and expressions, he notices that the conclusion—i.e., “Allah holds in store for them forgiveness and a great reward”—applies to both men and women at each stage of that chain: the humble man and the humble woman, the truthful man and the truthful woman, and so on.
In the chapter of Āl ʿImrān, God says:
فَاستَجابَ لَهُم رَبُّهُم أَنّي لا أُضيعُ عَمَلَ عامِلٍ مِنكُم مِن ذَكَرٍ أَو أُنثىٰ بَعضُكُم مِن بَعضٍ
Then their Lord answered them, ‘I do not waste the work of any worker among you, whether male or female; you are all on the same footing … (Āl Imrān 3:195)
This again shows that there is no difference between men and women.
When it is said that men and women each have specific duties and roles, this does not mean that they do not have mutual duties as well. In fact, the common realm between them is very broad, much broader than their own specific realms. So even though each gender has a specific role to play which the other cannot fulfil—or, at least, cannot fulfil appropriately—there is a very broad realm between the two of them that is common. This realm includes the social, political, and economic life; it includes human development and everything that human beings are capable of doing beyond that which is specific to men or women. This is how we must view men and women in the divine Islamic system. Each gender has its own specific role that it must not forsake, but there is also a wider realm in which both must cooperate, put their talents to use, and not neglect their responsibilities in this mutually shared arena.
Women make up half of the world’s population. If one examines this half and compares it to the other, they will realize that this half has the most sensitive, delicate, lasting, and effective role in the history of mankind and its journey towards attaining perfection. This is how God has created women. If we were to divide human activity into two sections—delicate work and hard labour—it would become apparent that delicate work, intricate activity, and the nurturing of emotions one thread at a time is the domain of women.
This is the divine vision regarding men and women. There is a particular aspect in the creation of men and women, which [if misunderstood] can become the basis of deviations, errors, and misguided movements. Unfortunately, this can be seen throughout the centuries and even today. The fact is that men and women are different in terms of their nature—whether it relates to their physical bodies, their emotional constitutions, or the fabric of their spirituality. These differences are related to their ability to perform the particular duties assigned to them and, therefore, play an important role.
The Distinct Roles of Men and Women
These two roles are distinct from one another, but both are indispensable. Merging the two not only goes against nature but doing so, in effect, would be to undermine something that is good. It is like this: Imagine that a professional gardener has carefully arranged a beautiful garden; then we come in and disrupt it based on our own whims, mixing up flowers that have been arranged in a calculated manner.
For a woman, a man is a point of trust and reliance; in fact, that is how a man shows his affection to his wife. So when a woman looks at a man with love and affection, it is in his role as a point of support—someone that she can rely on, someone whose physical and intellectual strength she can make use of in order to move forward in life. However, when a man looks at a woman, he sees her as a symbol of beauty, elegance, tenderness, and comfort. Therefore, man is the point of support in the external aspects of life, while woman is the point of support in the spiritual and emotional aspects of it. A woman is like an ocean of love and affection, and when a man is in her presence, she has the capacity to make him forget his sorrows and distress. These are the God-granted capabilities of men and women. Nature is also like this; it does what it is supposed to but since we do not understand it, we do not respond to it.
At times, a man may remove this capacity and this source of energy from a woman by being bad tempered, forcing her to perform arduous tasks, expecting too much from her, and belittling her. When this happens, the woman can no longer act as that point of comfort—she cannot grant him peace. Instead, she becomes a claimant. A woman could make the same mistake with a man as well; instead of utilizing his stability and perseverance and seeing him as a pivot to rely on, she may deal with him as a mere labourer or even a fool—anything is possible when people make mistakes. Instead of making use of this source of energy and power, she may transform him into quite the opposite. These problems exist but they should not be ignored.
This is what Islam says: The man is a source of strength (qawām) while the woman is a source of peace (rayḥan). This is neither demeaning to men nor to women. It is neglecting neither the rights of men nor the rights of women. On the contrary, it is taking account of the nature of each gender. In fact, the weight and value of each one is exactly the same. In other words, when you put the gender that represents subtlety, fondness, beauty, and the beautification of the sacred environment of the home on one pan of a scale and you put the gender that portrays leadership, hard work, reliance, and the stronghold of women on the other pan of the scale, you will find the two sides equal. Neither side will outweigh the other.
But today, we have erroneous social currents—not just limited to women but also to men—that wish to exchange the two sides of the scale and reverse the roles. What do they expect from this reversal other than error? What do they expect other than to destroy that beautifully arranged garden? They cannot hope for anything else. They can no longer make use of the genius of each gender. They are undermining the trust within the family environment. They are disorienting both men and women with doubts. They are removing the love and affection, which form the very foundation of the family.
There are times when the man takes on the role of a woman in the house. The woman takes charge and dictates duties to the man, while he submits himself to her commands; this is a kind of relationship seen in some households. In a situation like this, the man can no longer act as fortress of support that a woman needs. At other times, the opposite is the case. The man overworks his wife by getting her to do all the purchasing of the house and coordinating all the activities pertaining to it. This materializes because the man does not have time, and his excuses are, “I have too much work at the university… I have to stay longer in the office… I do not have time… I need to go to work … etc.” The woman is then left with tasks that are tedious and difficult. She may be kept busy with these tasks, but that is not her job!
Islam’s View on Women
Islam describes women realistically:
فَانَّ المَرأةَ رَيحانةُ و لَيسَت بِقَهرَمانَةٍ
A woman is a flower, not a chambermaid!
Rayḥān means ‘flower’. What do we do with a flower? How do we treat a flower? If you wrestle with a flower, you will destroy it. But if you recognize a flower for what it is and treat it accordingly, it will be a source of beauty and influence, and its purpose will become clear.
A woman is “not a chambermaid” (qahramānah). Qahramān in Arabic does not have the same connotations as in Farsi [which means ‘victor’]; it is actually an Arabic expression taken from Farsi but it means a ‘foreman’—i.e., someone who directly overlooks the work. Therefore, this expression exemplifies the idea that your wife is not your employee and you are not her boss. It should not be assumed that tasks such as raising the children and completing the housework is her job and that the man is in charge of her.
A woman must be treated in accordance with her nature and reality. A woman cannot forget her own nature and most women do not even want to; otherwise, both parties will find themselves in an antagonistic arena. These feminists—which include both men and women—who claim to defend the rights of women, are largely ignorant of what these rights of women are. In my opinion, rights are not arbitrary conventions. All educated people will recognize this. Rights must be sourced in reality. A true right is one that is based on a source that corresponds to the nature of reality. But the rights that these feminists propound have no basis; they are illusionary. Rights that exist for a man and a woman must be supported by their natures—the nature of men and the nature of women or the make-up of men and the make-up of women.
Therefore, if we are to summarize the differences between men and women, we must say that women, in their natural make-up, have more finesse when compared to men. This does not mean they are less resilient. Even experience has shown that women can be just as resilient, if not more so, than men when confronting a variety of physical and material challenges. But women have a type of finesse. Typically, their bodies are smaller and they are emotionally more vulnerable than a man. This is a difference between men and women. Now, if we imagine a scenario of these two creatures living side by side in a lawless place where the rules of wisdom and logic are absent, and we know that one of them is physically stronger, harsher, and taller than the other, and has bigger bones and a deeper voice, while the other is physically weaker, then the outcome is evident. The stronger one will dominate, exploit, harm, and take into service the weaker one. This is an inevitable outcome in a place that lacks any wisdom or law.
Of course, a woman does have certain strengths, tactics, and qualities particular to her that can allow her to overcome a man, but this can only be done through wisdom and prudence. Through her finesse and prudence, a woman can wrap a man around her fingers. We know this is the case through our own experiences and our minds can attest to it as well. It is a fact. Of course, there are some women who are not prudent and hence lack such a power. But a woman who does possess this prudence is able to tame a man to herself in the same way as a person is able to tame a lion. This is not because the person is physically stronger than the lion but because he has managed to use his inner strength. Women have this kind of strength through their finesse. When we say finesse, we are not just referring to the finesse of her physical make-up; rather it is a finesse related to her mind, her prudence, and her decisiveness with which God has blessed her.
Nonetheless, in a lawless atmosphere—an atmosphere devoid of wisdom and intellectuality—damage can occur. This damage is when one gender misuses the other, and unfortunately, it has occurred throughout human history from ancient times to the present. The male gender has taken advantage of a lawless and unethical society in order to oppress the female gender. This has happened throughout history and is still happening today. Of course, it is not the case that this has always taken place everywhere; at times, the opposite has actually transpired. There have been places where law and wisdom have reigned, or where the culture of the people did not allow such a thing to materialize. Nonetheless, the majority of lifestyles in the past have been as we have described.
By perusing various books and articles, one can gain an understanding of how certain cultures in the past viewed women or how they treated them. One example of this is provided by the verse of the Qurʾān:
وَإِذا بُشِّرَ أَحَدُهُم بِالأُنثىٰ ظَلَّ وَجهُهُ مُسوَدًّا وَهُوَ كَظيمٌ
When one of them is brought the news of a female [newborn], his face becomes darkened, and he chokes with suppressed agony. (Naḥl, 16:50)
It is truly saddening to think of the suffering caused throughout history because of a lack of reason, wisdom, and law. In the jungle, where there is no law or wisdom, can a strong animal control its insatiable desires and appetites for attacking its prey? If we allow our society to become like a jungle, the relations between men and women would be as ugly and bitter as what we have seen in the past, and what we are witnessing, unfortunately, even today.
Anyone who supposes that this does not occur in the West today and that women are not oppressed there just because they speak of the equality between the sexes or of women’s rights is gravely mistaken. There are some truly frightening accounts involving oppression and aggression whereby women have been mistreated, whether in the context of work or in other contexts being too shameful to recall. When I saw statistics from one Western country indicating that wife beating was a widespread problem there, I was shocked. The statistics were truly shocking. The article claimed that these were the statistics of just the women who had filed a report. As for how many others exist, who either are overlooked or remain silent due to fear, is unknown. As you can see, the problems faced by women are not solved by the solutions proposed by the West such as condoning scant dressing, encouraging women to leave their homes, distancing them from the ḥijāb, etc. Therefore, we must not delude ourselves into believing that by removing or reducing a woman’s ḥijāb, or by relaxing Islamic rules, the problems that women face will be solved. Not only will we fail to solve these problems, but we will make them far worse.
What Islam strives for is to bring about a fundamental change. Islam attempts to bring about an environment in which the gender which is physically stronger—which, of course, does not imply intellectual or academic strength— does not use this strength to oppress the weaker one. People often relate a narration from Imam ʿAlī (ʿa) to try and attack women and sometimes men too, while that statement was more than likely a reflection of Imam Ali’s (ʿa) displeasure regarding the situation he was in. In the same way that we show our resentments today, he was probably doing the same. Nevertheless, just because one gender is physically stronger—and, hence, may have wider bones, a taller stature, and a deeper voice—does that imply that he will also be wiser and have better management skills? Certainly not! Does it mean that he is more capable in the shared ground of politics, economics, education, etc.? No! The reasoning behind this is because these matters depend on participation and hands-on experience.
If, for another thousand years, women are excluded from different aspects of life, then we would continue to see that most of the academics, politicians, entrepreneurs, and those who are active within the social spheres will be menfolk. However, if men were to be prevented from such activities and if women were to replace them, within a few years, we would find the opposite—women would be more capable and men less capable in those fields. Of course, this is also not right and is a type of oppression. Hence, solving the issue of the two genders and preventing the oppression of one gender over the other is dependent on three factors—all of which are non-material. When they are brought into the equation, the material factors will lose their authority. By material factors, we mean taking recourse in one’s outward strength. These and other material factors will subside the moment that non-material factors are introduced.
One of these three non-material factors is law, which should be designed to prohibit oppression. Another factor is raising the intellectual level of women through education and a variety of academic, social, economic, literary, and artistic activities. Even now, most of the illiterate are women. We must struggle against this in order for our women to develop their intellects and their practical skills so that they do not become the target of oppression. If women are able to develop themselves through literacy, awareness, management, and wisdom, it will prevent oppression through physical dominance. However, literacy and education is not always the critical factor; what is crucial is wisdom. There are many cases where people are very educated but they lack wisdom and practical skills. The opposite is also possible, of course. Hence, what is important is that women gain the necessary degree of wisdom and practical skill so as to prevent oppression stemming from physical dominance and neutralize it.
A culture of spiritual and ethical education should be made popular amongst women themselves. They must take it upon themselves to think about these issues. They need to focus more on knowledge, on information, on studying, and on the fundamental questions of life. In fact, during the era of despotism in Iran, it was due to the negative influence of Western culture that women began to focus on cosmetics, vanity, ostentation, and flaunting themselves in public. All this, of course, was a sign of the rule of men. In the West, one of the signs that men are in control, is that they want women for their satisfaction; hence, they encourage them to dress up because it gives them pleasure! This is a form of male control, not female freedom. If anything, it is freedom for men! They want the freedom to take pleasure in seeing women, which is why they encourage a woman to cast aside her coverings and beautify herself publically for them. This is a kind of selfishness that many men who lived in irreligious societies displayed in the past and continues to this day. The West is the clearest example of this. Therefore, the imperative for women to educate themselves through knowledge is something that women need to take seriously and give it importance.
The third factor is that we must increase the general intellectual level of society as a whole. In a society where people possess a higher level of intellectual awareness, thoughtfulness, and wisdom, it is evident that they do not abuse each other as much as when this is not the case.
The Importance of Hijab
Islam has considered all things with wisdom when accounting for the issue of ḥijāb. The more that it is analysed, the greater the depth that is discovered. Islamic law has clearly stated the parameters of ḥijāb and it is important to be aware of them; there is no need to overstep these parameters and go to either extreme. Women in Iran have a good form of ḥijāb but, of course, it is not the only form of ḥijāb. There are many Muslims all over the world with their own unique styles of ḥijāb different from the Iranian chādor. In our opinion, the chador is definitely good and one of the best forms of ḥijāb. Whoever devised it—in the form that appears in this country—has come up with a decent form of covering.
Nonetheless, the most important issue is the ḥijāb itself and we need to understand what it means. Ḥijāb is not the idea of women covering themselves from men; it is that which lies between the private domain of men and women. Women merely practice it in one way and men in another. A woman’s finesse, as we alluded to before, places special responsibilities on her shoulders. Imam Ali (ʿa) says, “A woman is a flower.” This wonderful description expresses the finesse and elegance of a woman very well. There is no expression stating, “A man is a flower.” But being a flower automatically bestows upon a person certain responsibilities that must be observed.
Observing ḥijāb is not meant to limit women in any way, shape, or form from academic or political activities. The proof of this is the number of women who observe ḥijāb whilst being scholars, students, and participating members in politics and society, as well as many other fields. Ḥijāb is not an obstacle for them. It has never been the case in our society that those women who do not observe proper ḥijāb have been innately more successful, whether in education or in any other area in general. Even when the previous regime encouraged women to take off their ḥijābs, we did not see that those women who did so were any more successful or better educated than those who did not. In fact, it was quite the opposite; those who were better educated and more skilled voluntarily chose to avoid living in that way. We see the same situation today.
Hence, on the one hand, this particular Muslim covering called the ḥijāb is not a barrier for women who want to develop themselves in any field, whether material or spiritual. On the other hand, the prevalence of ḥijāb within a society brings about irreplaceable benefits for women in it. One of these benefits is protecting the foundation of the family which, without the practice of ḥijāb, is difficult to do. This is an issue that Western society is currently facing.
This is not to say that only those families where ḥijāb is practised are the ones that result in a loving family environment. Such an environment can be created even without the ḥijāb. We do not say that wherever ḥijāb is not practiced, the family is necessarily on shaky grounds. Rather, if a social environment lacks the concept of ḥijāb, this would naturally erode the position of the family and this is what has resulted in the West.
This issue has subsequent consequences that can, at times, be overwhelming for a society. It includes the weakening of the family and the lamentable statistics regarding the trafficking of women. According to a report—ostensibly from the United Nations or some central body—one of the fastest growing businesses in the world today is the trafficking and smuggling of women. One of the worst countries in this regard is the Zionist regime. With the pretext of employment or marriage, girls and women are gathered together from poverty-stricken countries such as Latin America, parts of Asia, and poor European countries and are then delivered to certain establishments where they experience extremely difficult conditions. Naming these establishments or even thinking about them brings a shiver to the soul. All of this originates from an unjust and incorrect notion of a woman’s place and role in society. The appearance of so many illegitimate children, of which America has one of the highest rates, is the result of people co-habiting without getting married. In reality, all of these problems—i.e., destroying the family unit, removing the warmth and intimacy within the family environment, and preventing individuals from benefiting from these blessings—stem from the first problem. A solution has to be found—i.e., the true status of women must be ascertained. We need to counter in a serious manner this empty logic of the West.
I was once asked how I would defend the allegations of the West about the status of women in our country. I answered: We do not need to defend; we need to be on the offensive! It is the West that owes the world an explanation; we are the claimants in this case. It is the West who has oppressed women, belittled them, and denigrated them all in the name of freedom, employment, and giving responsibility. But what they have done is subjugated women to spiritual, psychological, and emotional pressure, tarnishing their status and position. If anyone has to defend his record on women’s rights, it is the West, not us.
The West stealthily avoids the issue of family. In all the debates they have, they mention women’s issues but they never mention the family. This is their weak point. They talk about the rights of women, without mentioning the importance of a family, even though a woman cannot be separated from her family. It is necessary for us to understand this point.
In a lecture that I gave at the United Nations, I spoke for over an hour about the importance of family life. Later, I was informed that even though America is normally very keen to censor my talks, on this occasion they actually focused on my talk about the family and broadcast it several times while commenting on it. This is because I mentioned the subject of the family. For the West today, a message that discusses the subject of the family is like cool, pleasant water; it is quenching precisely because it is what is lacking. The issue of the family is a very sensitive one. Whenever family values are given importance, people pay attention because this is one of the core issues and problems that they are currently facing. This is the state of Western culture today.
In contrast, wherever the ḥijāb and modesty is observed completely or even partially, the family unit is generally much stronger. There is a strong correlation between the two. One of the ways in which the ḥijāb brings felicity to women is that it prevents some of the abuses towards them that were just mentioned. One of the major issues facing women in places polluted with Western culture and their billboards is the pressure to adorn themselves with makeup and cosmetics before leaving the home, in order to display themselves. This is truly one of the most important challenges. Thankfully, our own religious and revolutionary women are less affected by this, though I do believe that there are those who are tarnishing the purity and sincerity of those earlier days by intentionally directing women towards the same path. However, they are harming themselves by this because focusing on such trivial things wastes their time, energy, and money. If women do not go to extremes in self-beautification, they would have more time, energy, and money to spend on things that are more beneficial to them. This is Islam’s viewpoint and it is a sure remedy.
Conceptualizing Women’s Freedom
The imperialistic world, immersed in a [new] age of ignorance, is wrong to think that a woman’s true value and worth lies in beautifying herself for men, in order for them to cast lustful glances at her and to applaud her out of sheer enjoyment. This exaggerated talk of women’s freedom in the world, especially in Western culture, is actually based on having women visually available for men in order to satisfy their lust. Is this what freedom for women means? Does it mean that men derive pleasure from them and they become a source of pleasure for men? Those who claim to support the rights of women in the West—whose civilization has become ignorant and deviated—are, in fact, their oppressors.
Let us view a woman as a noble human being; only then will her perfection, her rights, and her freedom become clear to us. When we see a woman as a person who can bring peace to society by raising noble individuals, then we will truly understand what rights she possesses and what freedoms she must enjoy. Let us look at her role in the family. Even though a family originates with a man and a woman, only a woman and a woman’s touch can bring peace and tranquillity to a house. When seen from this angle, how she can pursue perfection and what her rights are become evident.
When the Europeans created new industries—at the onset of the nineteenth century when Western capitalists established large factories—and there was a need for cheap and easy labour, the buzz of women’s freedom became audible. This was in order for them to bring women out of their homes and put them to work in these factories, as affordable labour. In this way, they could fill their own pockets at the price of the dignity and respect of a woman. What we see with women’s freedom in the West today is a continuation of this same movement. The way in which Western civilization has oppressed women and the distorted picture they have portrayed of women in their culture and literature is unprecedented in the entirety of human history. Undoubtedly, women have been oppressed in all times and places, but this kind of large-scale, pervasive, and multi-faceted oppression belongs only to this latest era of Western civilization.
When women were objectified for the satisfaction of men, it was called freedom for women, whereas, in fact, this was the freedom for wayward men. Women were oppressed, not only in the fields of employment and industry, but in the fields of art and literature as well. A simple survey of stories, novels, paintings, and all manners of artistic work will illustrate clearly how women are portrayed. Has any attention been given to the positive qualities and noble values that exist within a woman? Has there been any focus on those tender emotions and that loving kindness that God has granted women? Have her maternal instincts and caretaking spirit with regard to children been emphasized or have they simply focussed on her sensuality, calling it ‘love’? This is not love; it is lust. In general, they wished to create a disposition among women to be consumers, generous spenders, low-maintenance workers, and cheap labourers. Is this what is meant by respect for women?
Apparently, in order to be free, a woman must remove her ḥijāb, dispose of her modesty, and put her body on display for men’s enjoyment. Is this honour or humiliation? A West that is negligent and intoxicated has allowed itself to fall under the influence of Zionist groups; they introduce this as women’s honour and some people have bought into it. A woman’s respect does not lie in her ability to attract the gaze of men or the cravings of the lustful. This is not a source of pride for a woman; it is a source of humiliation. A woman’s respect lies in protecting her modesty, which God has placed in her nature. It is to combine this with the honour of being a believing woman; it is to combine this with her sense of duty and responsibility. It is to use her finesse at the right time. It is to use her incisiveness of faith at the right time. This delicate combination only belongs to women—the combination of elegant finesse and incisiveness.
A world where a woman has been distanced from her family, brought out of the house with empty promises, left defenceless against the onslaught of society’s gazing eyes and lustful activities, and subjugated to having her rights trampled upon, is a world wherein the woman will be weakened, the family destroyed, and future generations placed in grave danger. Any society or civilization that follows this logic is headed towards disaster; this is what is happening in the world right now and is increasing with each passing day. Heed my words: this is a dangerous storm, the destructive power of which will only be felt in the future; it will destroy the very foundations of Western civilization. In the short-term, we may not see all of its effects, but within a century or two, it will become highly evident. The signs of this ethical crisis in the West have already begun to show themselves today.
Honouring Women
Islam honours women in the true sense of the word. If it emphasizes the role of the mother and her sanctity within the household, or if it emphasizes the role of a woman, her influence, her rights, her duties, and her limitations within the household, it is not in order to prevent her from participating in societal matters and contributing in her nation’s struggles. Some people have misunderstood this while others have utilized this misunderstanding for their own self-interest. It is as if a woman can only do one of two things: either be a good mother and spouse or devote herself completely to social activities. Nothing could be further from the truth; a woman must be a good mother and a good wife and still be socially active. Lady Fāṭimah (ʿa) is an exemplar of a woman who combines such different roles. Lady Zaynab (ʿa) is yet another. All the famous and well-known women of early Islam and great women of other times are examples of this truth; these women were active in society.
The problems stem from a misunderstanding of the concept of honouring women in Islam, combined with the incorrect ideas of Western civilization about what it means to honour women. These have come together and given rise to an incorrect intellectual movement. A woman in her family is beloved, honoured, and the pivot of managing domestic matters. She is the candle of her entire family. It is she who brings love, peace, and tranquillity into it. The family, which is the cradle of repose for every individual from the vicissitudes of life, can only provide that repose and peace when the woman is there. To study the role of a woman as a wife, as a mother, and as a daughter in order to elaborate her honourable position would need a lengthy chapter. We really need to revisit and rewrite the issue of women and her value and nobility according to Islam.
In one narration, the Prophet (ṣ) says:
المرأة سيّدة بيتها
A woman is the mistress of her house.
While speaking to an audience of men, he told them that the best of them are those who deal in the best manner with their wives.
These are just a few of Islam’s comments regarding the issue and there is no shortage of them. In the Qurʾān, when Allah wants to bring an example of someone who pleases God and of someone who disbelieves in Him, both examples are women. It is very interesting that the Qurʾān chooses women as exemplars of good and evil:
ضَرَبَ اللَّـهُ مَثَلًا لِلَّذينَ كَفَرُوا امرَأَتَ نوحٍ وَامرَأَتَ لوطٍ كانَتا تَحتَ عَبدَينِ مِن عِبادِنا صالِحَينِ فَخانَتاهُما فَلَم يُغنِيا عَنهُما مِنَ اللَّـهِ شَيئًا وَقيلَ ادخُلَا النّارَ مَعَ الدّاخِلينَ وَضَرَبَ اللَّـهُ مَثَلًا لِلَّذينَ آمَنُوا امرَأَتَ فِرعَونَ إِذ قالَت رَبِّ ابنِ لي عِندَكَ بَيتًا فِي الجَنَّةِ وَنَجِّني مِن فِرعَونَ وَعَمَلِهِ وَنَجِّني مِنَ القَومِ الظّالِمينَ وَمَريَمَ ابنَتَ عِمرانَ الَّتي أَحصَنَت فَرجَها فَنَفَخنا فيهِ مِن روحِنا وَصَدَّقَت بِكَلِماتِ رَبِّها وَكُتُبِهِ وَكانَت مِنَ القانِتينَ
Allah cites an example of the faithless: the wife of Noah and the wife of Lot. They were under two of our righteous servants, yet they betrayed them. So they did not avail them in any way against Allah, and it was said [to them], ‘Enter the Fire, along with those who enter [it].’ Allah cites an example of the faithful: the wife of Pharaoh, when she said, ‘My Lord! Build me a home near You in paradise, and deliver me from Pharaoh and his conduct, and deliver me from the wrongdoing lot.’ And Mary, daughter of Imran, who guarded the chastity of her womb, so We breathed into it of Our spirit. She confirmed the words of her Lord and His Books, and she was one of the obedient. (Taḥrīm, 66:10-12)
Here the Qurʾān uses two women as an example for the faithless: the wives of Noah and Lot, two of God’s prophets. These two women betrayed their husbands. The issue here is related to the subject of the family. Similarly, the example of the two virtuous women is also related to the family. The first is Pharaoh’s wife, who is given great importance and respect because she raised Moses, who was one of God’s prophets, in her arms, believed in him, and supported him (which is why Pharaoh took revenge upon her). So as part of her role in the family, she had a great influence on human history by raising someone like Moses. The same applies to Mary “who guarded the chastity of her womb”—i.e., she protected her dignity and modesty. This shows us that at the time in which she was living, there had been threats to the modesty and dignity of chaste women but she had been able to resist these threats. So we can see that all these examples are connected both to a woman’s role in the family and her status in society as a whole.
From this, we conclude that the essential building block of a family is a woman, not a man. A family can still function without a man—as when the man of the house passes away or is not present at home; in a situation like this, if the wife is wise and possesses good management skills, she can still maintain her family. Therefore, it is the lady of the house who keeps the family together.
Women and Society
There are, however, some who would strongly oppose what we are saying; they would accuse us of wanting to imprison women in their homes and prevent them from participating in social activities. Nothing could be further from the truth; Islam demands nothing of the sort. Allah says the following in the Qurʾān:
المُؤمِنونَ وَالمُؤمِناتُ بَعضُهُم أَولِياءُ بَعضٍ يَأمُرونَ بِالمَعروفِ وَيَنهَونَ عَنِ المُنكَرِ
But the faithful, men and women, are comrades of one another: they bid what is right and forbid what is wrong … (Tawbah, 9:71)
In other words, believing men and women both play a role in guiding and protecting the community and society as a whole; both must enjoin the good and forbid the evil. Since the Qurʾān [in the verse above] has not excluded women, neither must we. The responsibility for the well-being of Muslim society, its management, and its continued progress falls on the shoulders of both men and women, each of whom have responsibilities based on their unique abilities. There is no debate over whether women can have responsibilities outside of the house; it is obvious that they can. Islam does not completely negate this possibility. But what we are discussing here is whether a woman has the right to abandon the house and her role in the family unit entirely in order to pursue her desires and ambitions outside the family environment, thereby sacrificing her position as a mother and a spouse! Does she have this right or not? This is the focus of our discussion.
I say that the most important role that a woman could fulfil—regardless of her level of education, knowledge, research, or spirituality—is that role that she would fulfil as a mother and a wife. This is more important than all of her other functions; this is something that no one but a woman can fulfil. If a woman has another important responsibility or task, there is nothing wrong in that; but her role as a mother or as a wife should be her primary and essential responsibility. The very preservation and growth of the human race as well as the development of man’s inner faculties is dependent on this; the protection of the spiritual health of a society is dependent on this; peace, comfort, and tranquillity in the face of this world’s instabilities, disorders, and agitations are dependent on this. It is not something we can afford to underestimate.
It is not an achievement for a woman to imitate what a man can do; a woman has her own womanly function, the value of which is much greater than any manly function she may perform. Today, there is an anti-value movement spreading around the globe that is fostered by very dubious agents. Unfortunately, our country is no exception to this. The proponents of this movement wish to force women to be men. They consider it degrading for women that men can fulfil certain functions that women cannot. Is this degrading? What an erroneous perspective! They find fault in us for calling a woman ‘a woman’ and a man ‘a man’. But is this not the case? They expect us to say that a woman is a man, a manufactured man, a copy of a man! How can this be a source of pride for a woman? A woman’s pride is to be a woman, a true woman, a true female. If we look at things from a spiritual point of view, certainly being a true woman is no less valuable than being a true man; on the contrary, at times, it is actually even more valuable. Why would any woman want to give this up?
Of course, there are some responsibilities that are common to both men and women. As we mentioned before, the responsibility for being socially conscious and active, understanding the problems facing the community, and trying to solve these problems is neither exclusive to men nor to women. Even women cannot decide to shed this collective responsibility.
In the early Islamic state, women were active on the battlefield; they were mostly nurses who cared for the injured, but in some of the most difficult battles, they would cover their faces, take up arms, and fight the enemy. These same women would still go home, embrace their children with love, and continue raising them in an Islamic manner. All of this would be done while maintaining their ḥijāb and modesty because none of these roles contradicted one another. Some people go to extremes on this issue. On one hand, there are those who say that being socially active prevents women from looking after their families; therefore, women should not take part in social activities. On the other hand, there are those who say that having a family is a hindrance to social participation; therefore, we should forget getting married or having children. Both of these ideas are wrong and neither should be sacrificed to accommodate the other.
When questioned whether women should be allowed to work, I respond to them in the affirmative. We are opposed to women remaining jobless; women should definitely work. However, there are two kinds of work: work inside the house and work outside the house. If a woman has the skills to work outside of the house, she should do so. This is, in fact, very good, but it comes with a condition: this employment—even if it is inside the house—should not be such that it affects the relationship between a husband and wife. There are some women who overwork themselves from morning to night and when their husbands return home, they lack the energy to even smile at them. This is not good. Housework needs to be done, but not to the point of disintegrating the family.
I completely agree that women should work; I agree with all sorts of social activities for women, whether entering into employment, politics, social work, charitable endeavours, etc. All of these are decent preoccupations. Women are half the population and they can contribute tremendously to our society’s productivity and development. Nonetheless, there are important principles that should not be overlooked, such as the following: the primary work of a woman which pertains to her home, her family, her spouse, and her role as a mother should not be undermined. There are women who have managed to maintain this balance—of studying, teaching, housekeeping, having children, raising them, etc.—but it has been undoubtedly difficult.
Therefore, as long as the primary irreplaceable task of a woman is not harmed, we are completely in favour of women participating in society. If, as a woman, you decide not to have children at all … if as a mother, you decide not to raise your children at home … if you decide not to open up the ever-so-delicate threads of your child’s emotions—threads that are finer than silk—with your own fingertips so that they do not get tangled up later in life, then just know that no one else will be able to do this. Even a father cannot do this, let alone anyone else. This feat can only be accomplished by a mother. As for that employment outside the house, if you cannot do it, there will be tens of people to take your place. Hence, the priority must lie with the task that is irreplaceable.
Do not think that this belittles women in any way; on the contrary, it elevates her. The woman is at home managing and preparing the family environment—that place that will nurture a new sapling, a human being—while the man is tasked to go out and perform his work so that he can bring back the nutriments for this habitat. This is how we should conceive of it. Or to take another analogy, imagine a room with two people. One is tasked with managing the room, while the other goes out to gather food since they will need food to survive. Does this division of labour demean either of them? If anything, the one who is tasked with the household duties and is responsible for building this habitat would appear to demand greater respect; it is the man that is in her service. However, when it comes to social responsibilities, resistance, and politics, both men and women need to be present. When the call is made to strive in the way of God, both men and women must do their part.
Before the Islamic Revolution, when we were struggling against the tyranny of the Shah, there were many men who had taken to the streets and were engaged in revolutionary activities, but their wives dissuaded them from this because they were unable to bear the difficulties that accompanied it. In contrast, there were many women who encouraged their husbands to rise against the regime, helped them in this cause, and strengthened them with their emotional support. In 1977 and 1978, when the streets and alleys of Iran were overflowing with people, women played a crucial role in this by supporting their husbands and children and sending them out to demonstrate against the government.
Later, during the Revolution and the subsequently imposed war, mothers turned their sons into brave and dedicated soldiers for the sake of Islam. Wives transformed their own husbands into men of strength and resistance. This is a woman’s power over her son and husband. This is the same influence that a woman can have inside her home and within her own family, and it is one of the most important roles a woman can have. In my estimation, this is the most important duty a woman could perform—i.e., to raise her children and to strengthen her husband’s heart in the battlefield of life. We are truly grateful to God that the Muslim women of our nation have shown such skill in this regard.
Gender Regulations in Islam
“Wandering eyes will lead to a wandering heart.” What does a wandering heart mean? It means a heart that cannot maintain love in a healthy and proper manner; it is a heart in which love continuously enters and leaves. This is what is meant by a wandering heart, and there is no shortage of individuals with such hearts. In novels, films, and on the news, you come across the lives of those who live in societies devoid of religion or belief. Both men and women place themselves in a potpourri of passionate situations outside of marriage which they call ‘love’—this is not love, it is but a fleeting passion.
What is the outcome of such relationships? The outcome is that the essential centre of love—i.e., the family—loses its warmth, and rather than feeling care and affection for one another, the husband and wife become cold, indifferent, and inattentive to one another.
“Wandering eyes will lead to a wandering heart.” When the heart begins to wander, human behaviour and interaction also begin to veer off from the straight path. Corruption, indecency, sensuality, hardship, adversity, and volatile situations, all stem from a wandering heart. So how can we protect ourselves from this wandering heart? By controlling the small apertures that we call ‘eyes’ and by controlling the small entrée that we call the ‘tongue’.
فَلا تَخضَعنَ بِالقَولِ فَيَطمَعَ الَّذي في قَلبِهِ مَرَضٌ
… do not be complaisant in your speech, lest he in whose heart is a sickness should desire … (33:32)
This verse counsels women that in their conversations with other men, they should not speak in a way that would cause a sick-hearted man—i.e., one who has a wandering heart—to begin to yearn for her.
There are some individuals who believe that Islam’s proscriptions such as “cover yourselves” and “do not gaze at others,” are nothing but a set of outdated rules. Recently, there have been some ranters who seem to affix the word ‘outdated’ to everything, as though this is the proper way to use it. These proscriptions in Islam are actually very precise and it behoves us to contemplate over them. Without contemplation, we cannot understand them. As Hafiz says:
When you hear the speech of the lovers (ahl-i dil) do not say it is mistaken / for the real mistake, my dear, is that you do not fathom their speech
These ranters do not fathom the depth and inner meaning of the proscriptions in Islam; yet they still insist on offering their own self-conjectured opinions!
Islam has prescribed certain things for men and certain things for women, and each of them are there to help build the inner family environment. The issue of observing the proper boundaries between men and women, the issue of covering oneself, the issue of not adorning oneself in front of unrelated men … these are all intended to preserve the well-being of the family.
There are people who claim that Islam is a harsh and unbending religion, depriving men and women of natural pleasures. If we were to follow this same logic, then we would say the same about our intellects—i.e., they deprive man from many natural pleasures. For example, if your body is incapable of having sweet or oily foods, you are going to abstain from them no matter how delicious they may be or how much you crave them. Similarly, no matter how pleasant a drink may be, you would never consume it if it contained poison. You may have a craving for it, but your intellect tells you otherwise. It is the same with these proscriptions in Islam—observing the boundary between men and women, gender segregation, and other such rules within the sacred law all assist in preserving the inner family environment.
I constantly advise young men and women who are about to get married to keep a few things in mind. I advise the women not to do anything to make their husband jealous, and I also advise the men not to do anything to make their wives jealous. Women must be careful of how they behave at work, at school, or even with family and friends, so as not to arouse their husband’s jealousy or suspicion. Likewise, men should also be careful of how they behave in these situations whether at work or at school. Both men and women should exercise caution when it comes to sweet-talking, conversing, joking, or laughing with the opposite gender. What Islam has prohibited has a direct bearing on the family.
If the seed of suspicion is planted, regardless of whether it is accurate or not, it will still have a negative effect. It is like a bullet that leaves a barrel; if it strikes a person’s chest, it will kill him whether the shooter shot him intentionally or whether he pulled the trigger by accident. A bullet does not differentiate—it will not say, “since the person who pulled the trigger did so accidentally, I will not strike the target.” It will strike the target. In the same way, harbouring suspicion will have its effect as well, regardless of whether it is based on the truth or whether it is based on imagination and misconstrued assumptions.
When a man and a woman are told to be careful of their gaze, when a woman is told not to beautify herself for other than her husband, when a man is told not to gaze at the adorned face of other than his wife, and when both are told to abstain from intermingling and having harmful interactions with the opposite gender, the primary reason for this is so that the inner family ambience can become one of safety and security, where the husband and wife can have an exclusive relationship. A husband and wife who both observe these limits will become cordially closer to each other. When this cordial relationship is strengthened, the family ambience is permeated with love and joy. This is why you see that in religious families, where both the husband and wife observe these guidelines, they have been living with each other happily for many years. Their love for each other remains strong and ties their hearts together such that it becomes difficult for them to separate. It is this kind of love and affection that makes the family endure and that is why Islam places such great importance on it.
The Worth of a Muslim Woman
It is sad to see some women today, pursuing a lifestyle of worthless excess whether it be the latest fashion, excessive makeup, ostentation, or the desire to compete with one another in acquiring a particular brand of clothing or appliance. A Muslim woman is far too noble to be preoccupied with such trivial matters. The status of a Muslim woman is much greater than to become victim to this consumeristic mentality. I am not saying these things are forbidden in Islam. What I am saying is that it is undignified for a Muslim woman to go in pursuit of gold, jewellery, and an array of household items or to be extravagant in her wants and desires at a time when so many people in our society are in need of assistance. Extravagance is not the path of a Muslim woman.
From time to time, I hear of some of the things that are occurring in society: dressing a certain way because it happens to be in vogue, wearing jewellery in a particular manner, replacing household items—or in colloquial speech “the décor of your home”—all at a great expense. This is not a source of pride. A woman’s value is not based on wearing the latest fashion or walking in style (apparently some women even simulate their gait based on the European style). These are erroneous beliefs and illusions. The idea that just because a certain woman puts on airs and walks into a gathering in a particular outfit and hair-style, that we should now feel inferior to her and, hence, exert all our effort and spend all we can in order to match her style is simply outrageous. Do not ever feel inferior to such a person. Any individual who abases a woman because of her “unfashionable” clothing or “unstylish” taste in cosmetics, or because she does not have any gold around her wrist or neck, has really only abased himself. These are not the criteria of abasement. The greatest women on earth are not those whose sense of fashion or makeup is the one promoted by all the BurdaStyle fashion magazines of the world. Apparently, the best cosmetics and clothing can be found on the faces and bodies of the mannequins that line the windows of European fashion stores. I ask you, do these things have any value? Do these poor, helpless mannequins, who are welded in place daylong, have any value? This type of cosmetic is worn by many of the actresses whose moral fibre is under question.
The greatest women in history are those who have displayed prudence, resolution, proper judgement, and humanity. There was a lady in one of the eastern countries, whose name I do not wish to mention. She was prime minister of her country and was considered a great personality. Prior to the Islamic revolution in Iran, she was prime minister and still held that position when I had become the president. This lady was one of the strongest and most prominent female politicians in the world, and yet she always dressed and appeared very simply. A woman’s worth, as you can see, is not based on her appearance. So let her not waste time in rivalry and ostentation when it comes to clothing, makeup, décor, etc. since it will only harm herself, create difficulties for her spouse, and gain nothing in the eyes of God; if anything, her stature will diminish in His eyes.
There was a time when Iran was like this. Fashion was all that occupied women’s lives. We lived through those days and with the blessings of God when the revolution began, we left that dark period behind. There was a time when if a handful of women came together, their main topic of conversation would be about which dress is prettier, which woman has a more fashionable outfit, who walks and talks with style, etc. The bulk of the conversation would pertain to these topics. Fortunately, it is not like this today and rightly so. Today, the value of a Muslim woman is much greater than for her to be consumed by these trivial matters.
My dear Muslims sisters, most of you are not like this but unfortunately, there are some who have been afflicted with this manner of thought. You have set out on a journey and achieved much, but be vigilant not to let your hidden enemies persuade you to turn back halfway and squander all your struggles. From the very beginning of the Revolution until now, our enemies have wasted no effort in trying to misguide the youth of this great nation—the revolutionary youth, the post-revolutionary youth, and the youth of today like yourselves—by trying to occupy you with materialistic concerns at the expense of your Islamic and revolutionary values. Who must stand up to them with strength and firmness? Everyone! But initially, it is you, the young revolutionary men and women. Some individuals assume that because it has been a few decades since the Revolution, we no longer need to worry about these things. In fact, we need to worry now more so than ever before. Some may believe that we must use all the new things the world can offer so we do not fall behind, but this is a false assumption. As God says:
ما عِندَكُم يَنفَدُ وَما عِندَ اللَّـهِ باقٍ
That which is with you will be spent, but what is with Allah shall endure … (Naḥl, 16:96)
It is God’s reward that is important and eternal. We need to strive for this, for it is what truly matters.
The Role of a Mother
The reason that Islam places such importance on the role of the woman within her family is because of the influence she can have on future generations. If a woman is dedicated and committed to her family, gives importance to raising the children, attends to them, feeds them, raises them by her side, and nourishes their minds at every opportune moment in the same way that she nourishes their bodies—through stories, religious training, narratives from the Qurʾān, instructional anecdotes, etc.—the future generations of that society will consist of a mature and thriving people. A mother can bring up her children in the best way possible. The way she trains her child is very different from what happens in a classroom; it is through her conduct, her conversations, her love, her cajoling, and even her lullabies—in short, it is through how she lives—that her child is trained. The more pious and wise the mother, the better the upbringing of the child will be.
A mother’s role begins from the start of pregnancy and continues for the rest of that individual’s life. A child who has grown into a youth or even an adult can still be influenced by his mother’s love and affection, and her particular maternal ways. If our women could raise their level of education and understanding, the influence that they can have on a person is incomparable to the influence of any other cultural or ethical body. It is true that an uneducated mother may not have a significant [educational] effect on her child during his later years, but this is simply because she lacks that education; it is not because a mother is not influential. It is the mother, whether she knows it or not, that imparts the society’s culture, education, and morality through her body, her soul, her character, and her conduct. Everyone is influenced by their mothers. If anyone ever reaches heaven, the first step towards it was with the foot of his mother:
الجنّة تحت أقدام الامّهات
Heaven lies beneath the feet of your mother.
We need to teach our children to kiss their mother’s hands; this is what Islam encourages. This can still be witnessed in those families that are more religious, more ethical, and closer to the principles of the faith. Children need to learn to respect their mother at home. This showing of respect does not oppose the warm, emotional relationship that exists between a mother and her children but it needs to be there.
The lady of the house must be respected, even if she never becomes a mother. A woman who is not thinking about having children or cannot have children is still a wife and we should never underestimate the role of a wife. If a man is to be useful in society, there must be a good woman at home; there is no other way.
A Muslim woman must strive towards education, spirituality, and self-refinement. She needs to be at the forefront of every struggle, regardless of what kind it is. She should pay no heed to shallow worldly glamour, but focus on maintaining her modesty and purity, which would naturally repel the unwanted gaze of strangers. She should be a reposing heart for her husband and children, and the source of peace and tranquillity within the family environment. In her tender, affectionate arms and with words of loving wisdom, she should raise children with healthy personalities—those who are full of vigour, psychologically robust, and free from emotional disorders. These will become the great men and women of tomorrow.
A mother is more valuable and more influential than any other instructive agency. It is possible for scientists to devise extremely sophisticated electronic devices, to build intercontinental missiles, and to invent means of conquering space … but all of these inventions pale in comparison to the one who can give rise to a noble human being, and that is a mother. This is the paradigm for every Muslim woman.
The Rewarded Struggle of a Woman
It has been said that a woman’s jihād is to be a good wife to her husband (ḥusn al-tabaʿʿul). But what does being a good wife mean? Under the tyranny of the Shah, when I and others like me were working against the regime, sooner or later, they would identify us and send their people after us. They would come and forcefully take us from our homes, right in front of the eyes of our wives and children, and lock us up in the Savak prisons and torture chambers. I was able to tolerate the imprisonment; I was able to bear the torture; but all along, I knew that my wife was suffering more than I was. The worry, the fear, the sorrow, and the angst did not give her a moment’s rest, and I knew this. Even when I was in solitary confinement, I knew that my family was suffering more than I was, and my heart went out to them.
When I was released and I attempted to inquire about their situation, even though they did not want to reveal anything to me, I could tell what they had to endure. Being all alone without a husband; looking after and providing for several young children, with no income, no savings, no means of comfort, and no security; being taunted by others; not knowing what condition the father of your children is in; this is real hardship and they had to bear it.
Some women would come and visit their husbands in prison. When the husband would ask, “How are things?” the wife would respond, “Everything is fine.” The husband would ask, “Are you okay for money?” and she would say, “Yes, of course.” He would ask, “Are the kids okay; why did you not bring them?” and she would respond, “They were busy playing and I did not want to interrupt them.” Later, he would find out that the child was upset for a whole month, but the wife did not want her imprisoned husband to get worried. The husband would ask, “How about yourself? How are you coping?” And the wife would say, “I am doing quite well,” even though she herself needed to be looked after. We had women like this and they were a strong support.
Of course, there were others who were not like this. As soon as they came to visit, they began complaining to their husbands of their difficulties: “You are not there … we have no funds … we have no food … we have no support … the children need their father … the school is saying this about us …” The poor man who already had a hundred worries of his own, now found his own determination fading away as a result. If he did not immediately begin writing his letter of contrition to the Shah in order to get out of prison, he would have surely been unable to keep his resolve for the next opportunity of resistance against the regime.
From the very beginning of the Islamic Revolution, women played a vital role in supporting it. Both during the Revolution as well as the momentous eight years of the Sacred Defence, the role played by wives and mothers was no less important than that of the soldiers themselves; if anything, they actually bore a heavier, more painful, and more taxing burden. A mother who had raised her own dear son, the light of her eyes, for eighteen years or more until he had reached the peak of his upbringing through her motherly love, is now sending this young man towards the battlefield, not knowing whether his body will ever return. Can there be a comparison between her sacrifice and that of her son? Yes, this young man is going to war with faith, revolutionary spirit, and passion, but what his mother is doing is no less than him. Later, when they bring back his body, the mother takes pride in her martyred son. These are not small matters. This movement of women, the Zaynab-like movement, was a strong part of our revolution.
When our children catch a common cold or start coughing a bit, we begin to worry. Imagine now, a child who goes to the warfront and is killed; then a second goes and is killed; then a third goes and is killed; this not a trivial matter. Now, when a woman, with all that healthy, active, and energetic motherly affection, plays her role such that hundreds of other mothers find the strength and faith to send their own children to the warfront, you see the results of it. If at the time that their sons were heading for battle or when their bodies were brought back to them, they chose to lament and wail, to complain and protest at Imam Khomeini or at the war, then surely we would have lost the war within the first few years. This is the role the mothers of the martyrs played.
We cannot forget the patient widows of the martyrs—those young women who had just started their sweet family lives. They gave up all the hopes that they had built for their marriage. Not only were they content for their young husbands to go to a place where they may not return and to bear their martyrdom, but they took pride in this with their heads raised high. These are the priceless roles that they played.
And finally, to this day, there are women who marry those veterans wounded on the battlefield; they offer their lives to help and support men who are scarred—both physically and mentally—by the trauma of war. Out of their own free will, without any coercion, they decide to take responsibility for looking after such veterans. This is called sacrifice. It is one thing to commit a few hours a day to look after someone, in which case, at the end of the day, you can return home with a note of gratitude. It is quite another thing when you decide to marry the person and live in his house all day long. He is forever indebted to you. This is what was required, and these women sacrificed themselves for it. There is absolutely no way to quantify the role that these women played. And I will state and admit that the first person to understand this role that women played was our great leader, Imam Khomeini (r).
My sisters, know that all of the difficulties you endure on account of your husbands’ duties are not wasted in the least. Settle your accounts with God, ask Him for your payment, and know that He will surely reward you. I have always said that in these types of affairs, the rewards that women will receive in the Hereafter will make up at least half of all the rewards given out. They often ask me why I say “at least”; after all, justice dictates that the reward is split evenly between men and women. So why should women potentially receive more? I respond to them in this manner: when a man does something, it is out there in public for everyone to see; hence, he receives praise and commendation from the people, and this is a part of his reward. But a woman who is working behind the scenes is unappreciated because no can see what she has to bear; she receives no applause, commendation, or laurels, and this is why her reward is greater.
When a wife at home is in agreement with what her husband is doing, the husband’s potential to act and strive increases several fold. If a man strives in any arena, it is largely because of his wife’s cooperation, support, patience, and accommodating attitude. It has always been this way. Hence, when the Prophet (ṣ) said that a woman’s jihād is being a good wife, this is what being a good wife means—i.e., to prepare the grounds so that her husband can perform his duties. Some people think that a woman’s jihād is only to provide comfort for her husband, but this is not what being a good wife only means. This is not jihād. Jihād is when a believing and self-sacrificing woman agrees to carry part of her husband’s burden at a time when he has been tasked with a heavy responsibility. When a man becomes weary, this becomes manifest in the home environment; when he returns home, he may appear tired, frustrated, and in a bad mood. This bad mood could be transferred to the home from outside. Now if his wife wants to perform jihad, then her jihad is to be patient with these difficulties and to bear them for the sake of God. This is being a good wife.
When the Prophet of Islam (ṣ) emigrated from Makkah to Madinah, Imam ʿAlī (ʿa) was around twenty-three or twenty-four years old. This was about the same time that all the different battles began. In all of these battles, this young man was either the standard-bearer, the commander, or the main combatant. In short, he bore most of the responsibilities of war on his shoulders, and war never pays heed to time. It cares not if the weather is too hot or too cold, if the time is too early or too late, if your son is sick or not. In the ten years of the Prophet’s (ṣ) rule, there were about seventy major and minor military campaigns. Some lasted for only a few days, while others lasted for months. Imam ʿAlī (ʿa) was present in all except one. On top of these battles, he would also be sent on assignments by the Prophet (ṣ), such as the assignment to Yemen, where the Prophet (ṣ) appointed him as a judge for a short period of time. Therefore, Lady Fāṭimah (ʿa) was always faced with either her husband being away at war, returning with a wounded body, being occupied with matters in the city of Madinah with the Prophet (ṣ) or away on an assignment. Yet, in this difficult situation and with a husband who was always labouring away, Lady Fāṭimah (ʿa) continued her work with the utmost patience and kindness. She raised four children under her own heavenly supervision, including Ḥusayn ibn ʿAlī (ʿa). In all the history of mankind to the present day, you cannot find any flag of freedom and dignity raised higher than the one raised by her son, Ḥusayn (ʿa). This is the meaning of being a good wife.